My Journey: The First 12 Years
I started writing here out of necessity, almost urgently, without a plan or much of an introduction, because this space is for me. I don't know if many people will ever read it. If they do and it helps them, awesome, but that isn't what it's for. This space is for me to process. And I decided that what I want to process next in my journey is not what I'm working through in real-time right now, but my past. I find that reflecting back helps me develop empathy and grace for myself. I find it easy to have empathy and grace for others. I excuse others over and over, to the point of enablement. And when someone comes to me complaining about others, I give so many excuses for the others behavior - even if I've never met them - which is both illogical & nonsensical (because I don't know that person and if they have any good excuse for their behavior or are just a bully), and demeaning to the person I love standing right in front of me. I.E. when Brave Lion comes home from school and wants to talk about someone who made her feel crappy, instead of saying, "I'm so sorry, that must have really hurt you", I find myself saying "Wow, they must have had a really tough day, think about what they're going through." In reality, people can be jerks, and my kids need my empathy and support, not to feel like I'm supporting a stranger more than them. So, as I type this up and process through my journey, I want to recognize that flaw in myself - both towards the ones I'm closest to, and myself. I've been through some times that were a real strain on my stamina, my resilience, [...]